McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
