I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
