Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
