Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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