Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
