sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
