jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
