I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
