Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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