That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
