I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
