This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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