Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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