nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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