I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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