I cannot find my penis.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
