I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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