Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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