OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Two words: blizzard sex
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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