just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
