Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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