I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
