Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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