Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
