Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
