I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
