i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
