problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
