we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
