Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
