It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
