As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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