Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i've created a new STD.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
