we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
