you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
