I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
