You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
