I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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