Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
