I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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