I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
