even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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