I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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