i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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