oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
