Me. At least after what I've been through.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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