Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
