make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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