wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
