I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
