This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
